she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
