I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He felt like a one man threesome
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
