The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
