Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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