i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
