Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
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I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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