Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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