We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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