Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
