No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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