I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
