Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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