babies were throwing up all over the place
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
A bitchslap is in order.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
