i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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