so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
