just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize