Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Ladies don't puke and tell
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
