Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
