Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
