but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
