"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Randomize
