this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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