i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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