I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My pussy is not your playground.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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