Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
