the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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