Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
