Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
