I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
