What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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