Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
