i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
