it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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