Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
