He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
