I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Vodka?
Forever.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
