i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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