8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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