Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
