Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
i think im in europe. pls send help
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
