I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
