would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
