Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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