Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
