we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
