i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
