Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
