Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So much rum. So many feels.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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