There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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