Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
