wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
