I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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