i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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