Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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