The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
