Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
