I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
