i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
