pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
