Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
