Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
why do cheetos always look like penises
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
