wat bout pragnant strippers??
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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