Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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