A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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