He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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