I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
