Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
