i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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